your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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