i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
