You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
