you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
