There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
