So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
