counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
