In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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