just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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