Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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