He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was like eating out sand paper
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
