Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
