the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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