In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
