I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
