Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
