So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
