Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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