Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want her autograph on my taint
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
