No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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