Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
