I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
