yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
