i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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