I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
