Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
