I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it glows. i had to have it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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