Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
