I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
