Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
