hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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