Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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