Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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