so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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