bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
