Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
