I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize