There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
