I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
