he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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