Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
