I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We are all done wearing pants today
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
