I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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