Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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