i permit you to call me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
