Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
