All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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