hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
