He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
