Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am available for nakedness
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
